How we got to HERE....

Without even considering the infertility from my “prior” life, it has been a journey to get to today in the suppression phase for IVF #1. I don’t care how good of care you receive, how understanding your friends and family are or how strong your soul is, IF leaves some scars. I’ve got scars- some old, some new. Maybe someday they will fade, but for now, they still live even after many years. I mean, I first started trying to conceive in 1998. Sort of unbelievable, no?

I’ve decided that I must be quite the idiot for voluntarily travelling down the IF road again. I had, in the past, at least for the time right after the adoption of my son, sort of come to grips with the IF thing and it was ok. It was just the “way it was” and I coped. I even let myself attend baby showers and gave baby showers in my home, a HUGE step for the infertile woman I was. But with the new life, came new hope and perhaps new denial of the IF.

In the past, all my tests came back normal and it was assumed that the sperm considerations were the root of the problem and why I couldn’t conceive except that we tried donor sperm with no success. I honestly can’t remember how many donor cycles we did. We may just have done one. That part of the past is a blur and now about 10 years ago. At one point on Clomid, used during the IUIs to create multiple follicle targets, I developed a cyst resulting in an IUI cycle arresting. I didn’t get a good explanation from the RE’s office as to the problem and I think I just gave up at that point. Sort of stupid looking back based on what I understand now, but there wasn’t a lot of information exchanged and information on the internet was pretty limited.
“G”, the new, good DH, knew of the past IF stuff and knew we would be off to the dr. if we weren’t bursting with a BFP after a few cycles. It didn’t take a few cycles to figure out we had no chance. Literally, NO CHANCE. It seems G has a delivery problem and can’t get the boys to the target. *Sigh* Seriously, is this a sign that I’m just not destined? Our efforts to remedy the delivery problem were unsuccessful, so heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off for IUI we go. I have to find a new RE.