8w3d and all is well....

Final appointment with my RE yesterday at 8w3d. I've been released to the OB. Scary! RE said everything couldn't look more perfect. I'm hoping that situation stays the same. I'm happy to report that it seems (knock on wood...) that the spotting has ceased. Baby is 19.87 mm, measuring one day ahead at 8w4d and heartbeat was 176 bpm.

Counting down the days to complete the first 12 weeks. 30 days to go. Seems like an eternity! I suspect that I will have one u/s with the OB during that period of time. I plan on ordering a doppler so that I can hopefully hear the baby's heartbeat soon to reassure me all is well.

Of course, I am thrilled to be pregnant, but the fear of miscarrying has overshadowed the joy I should be feeling. I'm trying to move past the fear and I'm trying to take a lesson from Sprogblogger, who I admire immensely. Despite the substantial adversity she has faced, she has overcome the fear and will revel in her soon-to-be-successful donor cycle. (In fact, she's PUPO as of today, so offer her your congratulations, please).

Revel. Not cope. Not survive. Not exist day by day until the magical 12 week mark. Instead, revel. If Sprogblogger can revel, so can I. I have an appointment today with the counselor I saw when I went through my divorce. I'm hoping she can help me get past some of the fear to the reveling as well.

Well, as it turns out....

I couldn't wait two weeks to see the baby again... I started spotting red this morning. I spotted red last week but the spotting stopped over the weekend and started back up today. I called the RE's office almost in tears. They worked me in and the head IVF nurse did my ultrasound. As it turns out, I like it better when she does the u/s than my RE. She was awesome and zoomed in on everything. The little heart is still fluttering away at 136 bpm and baby bean has grown since my last u/s only 48 hours before from 5.87 mm to 9.83 mm, so today I measured exactly 7 weeks, which is where I am gestationally. I also got to hear the heartbeat. My RE turned on the sound on Wed. but we didn't get to hear anything. The little beat-beat brought tears to my eyes today.

I told the IVF nurse I would try to be good until my next real appointment on Dec. 30. Hopefully, my body will cooperate! Nothing like seeing that little flutter for some reassurance though...

No idea what is causing the bleeding, but told me to try not to worry about it and that everything looks perfect. Whew.....

Ultrasound #2

We have a heartbeat! Yay! RE said it was too soon to try to measure the beats but that the heartbeat looked nice and strong. I am 6w5d today, but only measured 6w3d. That concerns me a little (ok, a lot!). Two weeks for next ultrasound. Two weeks! How in the heck am I going to make it two weeks???? Essentially, at 5w5d, the fetal pole measured 2.07mm. Today the fetal pole measured 5.87. If the growth is 1 mm a day, the fetal pole should have been 8 mm, thus, I'm 2 mm behind. Argh.

Spotting has subsided for the most part. RE said I could switch to Prometrium if I wanted, but I think I'm going to keep up the shots until the next u/s.

Checked my TSH today to see if we need to increase my dosage of Synthroid for my hypothyroidism.

I'm thrilled we saw the heartbeat, but concerned at the same time. KWIM?

Still spotting.....

Urgh! I'm still spotting. Not a lot, but still I WISH. IT. WOULD. STOP!!!!

6 weeks today. Wednesday can't come soon enough for sonogram no. 2 to make sure everything is ok. I'm seriously trying not to stress, but it is hard when everything I go to the bathroom, there's pink on the tp.

U/S Picture 5w5d

I know its doesn't look impressive, but here's yesterday's ultrasound picture. I can't express how reassuring the ultrasound was. The fetal pole is the little blob between the two colored markers. Yay for a little blob. :-) It makes me happy!

Ultrasound #1

Despite my dr's crazy policy on the timing of beta test no. 2, I really do love him. I talked to the nurse and saw the dr. this afternoon. He looked with the speculum and saw no blood, so that made me feel better.

He also did an ultrasound. We have a yolk sac and a baby with fetal pole with a crown-to-rump length (CRL) of 2.07 mm. He seemed confident that we will see the heartbeat at my next u/s appt, which is next Wed. I read that generally the heartbeat is detectable when the CRL is 5 mm, so we are 3 mm away from there. He said I could make the u/s appointment for Monday if I wanted to.... I'm assuming that means we should have the needed growth by then, but I opted to give 2 more days...

He said not to worry about the spotting (and it really hasn't been too much, but enough to throw me into orbit). His wife spotted during her pg so he understands the worry. He said I could come in again for reassurance. I told him to be careful, I might be there a tad more frequently than he would like.... And no additional beta on Friday. He says my last number was good enough he's not worried. I guess I have to rely on his expertise in that.

So, I think this is all good news. Thanks for your encouragement and support. :-)

Cramps...

What kind of cramps are normal? Last night, I had 4-5 hours of mild to moderate cramps, although they never quite reached AF intensity. This followed the light pink tp, which was minimal, but still scares me. Not as tired today and the girls really aren't sore anymore. Ugh. Two more days until the next beta. I seriously don't know if I can make it!

I thought about calling my regular gyn to see if he would get me in to check things out. I think my RE's office would just ask me to wait until Friday.

Update: Damn. Red. Calling dr.

Scared..

Ok, so I admit, it I am almost paralyzed with fear.... What if something goes wrong? I thought I saw a spot of pinkish discharge on the tp today. I feel crazy with worry. I simply don't know if I have it in me to go through this again if the worst happens. I know the odds are in my favor. 75% of baby sticking... 25% of, well, not. But, it seems that the fear is consumming me. How do I get past that?

Seriously, I don't want to let G down, but I don't know if I can go through this stress again. I think I might just want to opt for adoption again. That's not to say that adoption isn't stressful in itself. It is and it is invasive and makes you feel like you are under a microscope and being judged all the time.

Blah! Maybe I'll feel better after next week's ultrasound? But then I think, how will I get through Christmas if the worst happens before then? Pretty much, once again... I'm a mess.

Crazy tiredness and a little nausea...

I was a little more tired that usual last week but ooohhhh my! The tiredness really hit me yesterday like a ton of bricks. I simply couldn't function. I left work early and went home for a nap from 6 pm to 7:30 or so and was back in bed by 9 pm. Tired today too after sleeping an additional full 8 hours. That means I slept 9.5 hours yesterday. Craziness....

I'm not sure how Christmas gifts are going to be purchased and wrapped this year, but I guess I don't care too much. I did some online shopping but some of the gifts have to be purchased in the store. I guess I'll send G with a list. That should be interesting! Thank goodness for gift bags. I generally wrap each present and decorate the package. Ummmmm.... Not so much this year. One gift bag per person with all the presents in the bag and tissue stuffed on the top. That's my plan. :-)

I have discovered that G will eventually do the household chores that I have not been getting done because of taking it easy. It might take him three days to wipe off the stovetop after he cooked, but he will eventually clean it up....

Little queasiness mid-morning for the past couple of days but nothing too bad yet.

Three more sleeps until beta no. 4.

Beta #3 Results

So, I calculated that the beta needed to be 800ish today to have doubled in 48ish hours. It is 1820! I can't believe it. It went from 209 to 1820 from Monday to today, doubling time of 30ish hours.

Beta #4 is scheduled for next Friday and then they will schedule the ultrasound. Wow, this is really happening!

3rd Beta drawn....

Now just the wait! Ugh!!! I hope to hear by 3:00 pm this afternoon. Prayers, positive thoughts and crossed fingers, please.

Whew!

It looks like I am indeed pregnant. I really can't believe it and I am very thankful!

My very sweet GP called me with yesterday's beta results. Before he gave me the results, he quizzed me on when the last time I had an hcg injection was so as to make sure the beta wasn't showing a false positive.

Last Friday's beta at 11dp3dt was 68 and yesterday's number at 14dp3dt or 17 dpo was 209!!!! So the doubling time is about 45 hours or so. Yeah!

Now I feel like I can breathe a little. Next beta is Friday at the RE's office.

Again, thanks for everyone's support. It means more than I could ever express in words...