My Date with the Michelin Man

The Michelin man... you know who I'm talking about. That round, white character that advertises tires? I met him (well, sort of...) yesterday during ET. You see, G, has this round Buddha belly. Once having donned the sterile outfit, all white from head to toe required for attending the transfer, he transformed into the Michelin man. My beloved dh converted into the goofy looking Michelin man. I will never see the tire mascot again without thinking of ET day.

ET went without a hitch. We transferred two 8 celled "good looking" embryos according to the embryologist and RE. I purposefully didn't inquire about the grading as I knew I would obsess too much. It looks as if one of the embies was starting to compact, which is good. As most say, the full bladder was the worst thing about ET. My RE's office said to drink 32 oz and hour before transfer. I knew I couldn't hold that much. I stopped at about 20 oz, but even that was uncomfortable!

After the ET, before the speculum came out, the embryologist flushed the catheter to make sure both embies had arrived to their destination. Nice reassurance that both had. Now if one just decides to stick!

The embryologist will continue to watch embies 3 and 4. Yesterday they were at four cell. He said there still could be hope that they will continue to grow and perhaps make a blast.

PIO shot no. 3 without too much discomfort. 10 more of those if there's no BFP. About 40 if I am. One step at a time! I start the Vivirelle estrogen patches on Friday.

3 Day report

The embryologist called this morning, nice and early. I didn't know if he would call since we are scheduled for transfer today, but he did and....

We have two "nice" 8 cell embies. The other two seemed to stop dividing at 4 cell. I didn't realistically think we would have anything to freeze, so two is all we need.

*sigh* I'm just grateful to have gotten to this point. I'll feel less anxious (I hope!) when they are back in me!

Just three hours to transfer....

Curly headed Indians...

So we are set (hopefully... so long as the embies did well from yesterday morning to tomorrow afternoon) for a 3 day transfer tomorrow afternoon at 4:00 pm. I keep thinking about my little embies, almost (hopefully!) willing them to grow. A funny observation: I have tried to keep myself as detached as possible. I have not thought about what those embies might look like if they became a child. My IRL friend (who is pregnant with twins on her third IVF attempt) reminded me that the embies are curly headed Indians. You see, my dh is of Indian descent by means of the Carribbean island of Trinidad, and I am cursed with curly hair. I was sort of shocked with the realization that I have curly headed Indians embies, even in a manner of speaking. I had not even allowed myself to think of anything of the sort other than cells in a dish.

I thought about the ultimate outcome of the baby, what it might look like, etc. in the past, during the first infertility battle in my late 20s. Having gone through this battle second time, I find myself much more focused on the immediate goal at hand (i.e. no cysts so can start bcps, no cysts so can start stims, making it to ER, making it to ET, etc.) than the end result of the birth of a child. I see the past filed with naivety relating to my ability to conceive and birth a child. Yes, that it the ultimate end goal, but it seems a million miles away now.

Perhaps my my lack of attention to the embies as anything other than cells is because I have (at least cognitively) learned that life doesn't always work out "fairly" and the 2 car garage with 2.3 kids and the dog isn't how everyone's life matures matter how courageously one fights r how loud one wails. Indeed, there is no fairness in who ultimately becomes a parent or how. I am reminded of this constantly and I still struggle with this sometimes, at least emotionally, if not cognitively.

After the curly headed Indian reminder, I am back on track focusing on the embies making it to transfer tomorrow afternoon. Detached seems easier than engaged. I can only imagine what that says about me as a person. Thank you, IF.

On a side note, last night was the first PIO injection and dh performed like a champ. I numbed the target area with the Emla cream prescribed by my RE an hour before the injection and the injection was slightly uncomfortable but by no means unbearable and was much less worse than I had anticipated. I am hoping that this was not just beginner's luck! So now I have a nightly date with Emla cream at 8 pm, followed by my PIO date at 9 pm. At least for the next 14 days and hopefully longer.

My beta will be the day after Thanksgiving if the RE's office is open, which I suspect it will be. I can't think that a beta result on "Black Friday" can denote anything positive! But, what can a girl expect following a retrieval performed on Friday the 13th?

My fortune cookie for the Chinese food we ate on the day of retrieval said "An unexpected relationship will become permanent". I'm hoping the fortune cookie wins.

Fertilization report...

6 eggs retrieved; 5 were mature. Of those 5, 4 fertilized. The embryologist said at that 3 of the 4 look good and healthy. The pronuclei in the 4th looks a little faint, so he has that embie separated so he can watch it, but it may be fine. Time will tell.

3 day transfer on Monday at 4 pm with AH due to my age (assuming we still have something to transfer by that time....) Please send strong, growing embie thoughts this weekend. At this point, I'm pretty much an emotional mess.

Only 6....

Retrieved only 6 :( The embryologist said he would call around 8 am tomorrow with the fertilization report. I guess as long as 4 fertilize, we will have something to work with.... I just wish we had more to work with. I can't imagine that we will be headed for anything but a 3 day transfer, which will be Monday afternoon. As luck would have it, I have a huge contested hearing which will last most of Monday, but my RE is cool and said he's happy to do the transfer at 5 pm if that's the earliest I can be available.

My RE is also a little crazy. This morning before the surgery, he was sporting a fake mustache, crooked. He's such a goof but I appreciate the effort to lighten the mood a bunch. :-)

Retrieval tomorrow at 9:15 am

Triggered last night at 9:15 pm. The glass syringe for the Ovidrel was a little weird compared to the plastic ones I am used to. Retrieval is at 9:15 am tomorrow morning. Crazy day at work today, so I'll be distracted. I have to say I don't have a good feeling about tomorrow. I don't think we are going to retrieve many eggs. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for that outcome, but I know if only a couple are retrieved, I will feel extremely disappointed.

We had planned to do three more cycles under a shared risk program if this cycle doesn't take, but I don't know.... I stand amazed at you very strong women who go through this process multiple times with varying outcomes of success. I admire your courage.

Trigger tonight...

Trigger tonight for Friday morning retrieval. Looks like there are 8 large follicles and at least one smaller one which may come to the party. Work is kicking my butt, so I'm staying fairly distracted which is good. :-)