Curly headed Indians...

So we are set (hopefully... so long as the embies did well from yesterday morning to tomorrow afternoon) for a 3 day transfer tomorrow afternoon at 4:00 pm. I keep thinking about my little embies, almost (hopefully!) willing them to grow. A funny observation: I have tried to keep myself as detached as possible. I have not thought about what those embies might look like if they became a child. My IRL friend (who is pregnant with twins on her third IVF attempt) reminded me that the embies are curly headed Indians. You see, my dh is of Indian descent by means of the Carribbean island of Trinidad, and I am cursed with curly hair. I was sort of shocked with the realization that I have curly headed Indians embies, even in a manner of speaking. I had not even allowed myself to think of anything of the sort other than cells in a dish.

I thought about the ultimate outcome of the baby, what it might look like, etc. in the past, during the first infertility battle in my late 20s. Having gone through this battle second time, I find myself much more focused on the immediate goal at hand (i.e. no cysts so can start bcps, no cysts so can start stims, making it to ER, making it to ET, etc.) than the end result of the birth of a child. I see the past filed with naivety relating to my ability to conceive and birth a child. Yes, that it the ultimate end goal, but it seems a million miles away now.

Perhaps my my lack of attention to the embies as anything other than cells is because I have (at least cognitively) learned that life doesn't always work out "fairly" and the 2 car garage with 2.3 kids and the dog isn't how everyone's life matures matter how courageously one fights r how loud one wails. Indeed, there is no fairness in who ultimately becomes a parent or how. I am reminded of this constantly and I still struggle with this sometimes, at least emotionally, if not cognitively.

After the curly headed Indian reminder, I am back on track focusing on the embies making it to transfer tomorrow afternoon. Detached seems easier than engaged. I can only imagine what that says about me as a person. Thank you, IF.

On a side note, last night was the first PIO injection and dh performed like a champ. I numbed the target area with the Emla cream prescribed by my RE an hour before the injection and the injection was slightly uncomfortable but by no means unbearable and was much less worse than I had anticipated. I am hoping that this was not just beginner's luck! So now I have a nightly date with Emla cream at 8 pm, followed by my PIO date at 9 pm. At least for the next 14 days and hopefully longer.

My beta will be the day after Thanksgiving if the RE's office is open, which I suspect it will be. I can't think that a beta result on "Black Friday" can denote anything positive! But, what can a girl expect following a retrieval performed on Friday the 13th?

My fortune cookie for the Chinese food we ate on the day of retrieval said "An unexpected relationship will become permanent". I'm hoping the fortune cookie wins.